Funverse #4

Since my 49th is coming up shortly, I was thinking about:

Gettin’ Old

Hullo! What's this I feel? I'm gettin' old I do declare--
My aches and pains, they trouble me, they drive me to despair!
Hold on! Don't fail me, knees, I beg; please, eyes, keep looking good.
I'm buying Tylenol in bulk, my doctor said I should.

Whuzzup? I see some signs I fear my age is escalating.
The hair I had up top is clearly disinskullferating.
What's this? I see hair here and there, where 'twas ne'er hair before--
I tweeze and pinch, and ouch and wince, alas! there's more and more.

Say what? I've lost capacity to call to mind that word--
It sits there, stuck to tip o' tongue, it just will not be heard!
I substitute "oh, what's it's name" in place of "diagnosis,"
And "whozywhatsis" pops right out instead of "halitosis."

No way, I say! Impossible that I could put on years
The way my car has rolled up miles, or Packers fans down beers.
Perhaps the birthday Grinch snuck in to steal years with a chortle...
Each grain of sand that falls, each day, reminds me that I'm mortal.

Steve Stratford
3/26/06