To the tune of "I Saw Three Ships"

“I Saw Three Ships Come Sailing In” is pretty much a nonsense hymn as far as Bible-believing Christians go, but it is a catchy tune and easy to sing. I decided to change the words to a more strict re-telling of the Shepherds/Angels story. I also changed the format a bit, by varying lines 1 and 3 in each stanza instead of repeating lines 1 & 3 as in the original. I made no real attempt to make lines 1 & 3 rhyme, but a few of the couplets do rhyme, more by accident than by intent.

I Talked With Shepherds

I talked with shepherds in the fields
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day.
They told me news, such glorious news,
On Christmas Day in the morning.

And so on, with the following lines substituted into lines 1 & 3:

The shepherds spoke of tending flocks,
When suddenly an angel came.

A glorious light shone all around,
The sight struck fear into their hearts.

The angel said, “No need to fear,”
“Glad tidings of great joy I bring.”

“These tidings are to all mankind,”
“In David’s city, joy this day.”

“To you is born this bless-ed day,”
“A Saviour who is Christ, the Lord.”

The angel said, “Here is a sign,”
“A sign to guide you to the child.”

“He’s in a most unlikely place,”
“You’ll find Him in a cattle stall.”

“You’ll find Him wrapped in swaddling clothes,”
“You’ll find Him in a manger laid.”

The angel paused a moment then,
And as he paused, the sky grew bright.

They saw a host of angels white,
And heard the sound of angels’ praise.

The host was shouting praise to God,
“All glory be to God on high.”

“And peace on earth, and peace to men,”
“And peace to all, good will toward men.”

And as the angels left their view,
The shepherds went to find the babe.

They found Him as the angel said,
A-cradled in the lowly bed.

They told the news of Jesus’ birth,
Told all they met, told all they knew.

And they told me of peace, good will,
Now I must go and find Him, too.

Original lyrics by Steve Stratford, 12/28/06

Another weird, fascinating spam

From: electriacl electricla <***@*****.***>
Date: Mon, 25 Dec 2006 21:36:52 +0100
To: <***@*****.***>
Subject: ineternet ingternet intgernet infternet

Eletrical elecrical electical, electrcal, electrial electricl.
Maney, mlney, mkney mobey, mohey mojey momey monwy.
Iscount dscount dicount, disount discunt discont, discout?
Agchitect alchitect afchitect adchitect arxhitect ardhitect arzhitect arfhitect arkhitect.
Setimating, etsimating esitmating estmiating estiamting!
Hselp heslp, heklp helkp, heolp helop heplp, helpo. Ynternet, knternet anternet jnternet.
Monet moneu monej monei moneh, moneg monea. Shoppling shoppuing shoppiung shoppiong shoppilng shoppking shoppikng, shoppying, shoppiyng.
Intenret interent internte vt vsoftware uinternet iunternet? Wzolesale wkolesale wbolesale whilesale whplesale whelesale.
Basiness bosiness bwsiness bksiness besiness bjsiness bzsiness, bhsiness buainess. Salies saleis, salhes, salehs salses salesa, salesw salese salesd?
Dathabase dateabase, dagtabase datgabase daftabase datfabase datqabase.
Sisemens siesmens sienmens siemnens siejmens siemjens siekmens.
Businewss businress, businerss businaess busineass businfess businefss busindess.
Monsy monet moneu monej monei!
Sditing esiting eeiting etiting eriting. Diccount, diecount didcount dixcount. Grucking zrucking frucking teucking ttucking tgucking tlucking.

YSIHF (2): You saw it here first!!!

Once again, a Wacky 12:

The Golfer's Twelve Days of Christmas
A hole in one that nobody saw
2 ten-foot putts
3 sand traps
4 lightning strikes
5 massive drives
6 broken putters
7 driving ranges
8 souped-up golf carts
9 early tee times
10 golf swing gizmos
11 clubhouse stories
12 hooks and slices

12/12/2006, by Steven J. Stratford

TWIDI (3) How I Make Cream of Wheat

TWIDI = The Way I Do It

1 1/2 cups of water
dash of salt
boil (heat 6/10)
stir in a heaping 1/4 cup of cream of wheat
throw in 1/8 cup of dried fruit
bring to a boil, stirring
turn off the heat
cover for 4 minutes
serve with 2 heaping teaspoons of brown sugar, stirred in

This makes a prety full bowl of cereal. You could easily do it with about 1 cup of water and less than 1/4 cup of cream of wheat.

TWIDI (2) How I Make Coffee

TWIDI = The Way I Do It

OK so I've only been drinking coffee for a couple of years. My Dad passed away on 3/3/03 and he was a coffee lover. I started shortly after he passed away. I enjoy drinking a cup and thinking about him.

Anyway, when you first start drinking coffee, you don't know how much water, how much coffee, etc. to use in the coffee maker. In fact you don't even know what a good cup should taste like.

So here's my recipe for the best coffee I can make. I like it. Others who have drunk coffee for longer than I have say it's really good.

• I use a little 5-cup coffee maker. I think the proportions should work for larger machines.
• I like drinking a full mug of coffee when I drink it, one of those 2 1/2 cup mugs. So this recipe makes a full mug.
• First, I fill the carafe to just a smidge over the 3 cup mark. Some water doesn't get through the filter and grounds during brewing.
• I use Eight O'Clock coffee, freshly ground from the supermarket. I keep the bag in the freezer, and I transfer a small amount to an airtight container in the fridge.
• My Dad had a little 1-tablespoon scoop that Mom gave me. I use that to measure. After putting the filter in the coffee maker, I add 2 flat tablespoons of coffee.
• Brew the coffee.
• I don't care for my coffee with sugar, so I use Equal and creamer. The kind of Equal I use is not the packet kind, but the fluffy kind that comes in a large plastic jar with a blue lid. I pre-mix the Equal with the creamer in a plastic container, exactly 1:1. I've tried several non-dairy creamers and haven't found much difference between them taste-wise, so I just buy a big container of the store brand.
• I put 3 teaspoons of the creamer/Equal mix into my mug and pour the coffee in. Mmmmm good.

OK a couple of other things:

I've found that coffee makers tend to overheat the coffee if left in the carafe for more than a few minutes. To avoid this, I put 4 pennies (a couple of large metal washers will also work) on the heated surface and set the carafe on them. That lifts it off the surface and keeps it from overheating.

Flavored creamers: I don't like flavored creamers at all.

Flavored coffees: I like Berres' Brothers Chocolate Mint, and a couple of other flavors (but NOT full strength). If I make flavored coffee, I use 1 flat tablespoon of the Eight O'Clock coffee, and 1 flat tablespoon of the flavored. That works for me, doesn't make the flavor so strong, plus it makes the flavored coffee go much further.

TWIDI (1) How I Make Oatmeal

TWIDI = The Way I Do It

Well, we all have certain ways of doing things. Just for the fun of it I will make an occasional post that tells how I do things.

Today's entry is: How I Make Breakfast Oatmeal

1 cup of water (2 half cups) in a small saucepan
dash of salt
boil (heat 6/10)
stir in 1/2 cup Quaker oats
bring to a boil (heat 4/10) (turn down heat if it's going to boil over)
skim the scum off
stir in 1/8 cup of dried fruit
turn off heat
cover for 3 1/2 minutes
eat w/ brown sugar on top

I like it this way because I don't like scummy, goopy, solid oatmeal. I like oatmeal with some texture. I put a heaping teaspoon of brown sugar on top, eat the top half, then put another teaspoon of brown sugar, and eat the rest.

LPOP (1)

LPOP = Little pieces of paper

One of the greatest things about these little PDAs is their ability to reduce the clutter of little pieces of paper lying around the desk, stuck in my Bible, lying on my dresser, etc., each containing one or more important bits of information. When I first got my Handspring Visor Pro 5 years ago, I immediately transferred all my little bits of information into my PDA as memos, and there they have resided ever since. How about a little snapshot of a few little pieces of paper in my PDA?

• Crater of Diamonds. In Murfreesboro TN there is a place where you can hunt diamonds and keep what you find.
• Dean Martin/Jerry Lewis movies I'd like to watch: At War With the Army; The Caddy; Hollywood or Bust; Jumping Jacks; Living It Up; Pardners; Sailor Beware; Scared Stiff; Three Ring Circus; and You're Never Too Young.
• Doggie Math: First year: 15 years, Second year: +9 years (24), Third year and following: +4 years (28). Note also affected by breed, weight, health, genetics, nutrition, illness or disease, clean/healthy home. From Hints from Heloise
• Publishing--University Press of America, univpress.com.
• Home To Do list: •Scrape/paint/wallpaper walls •Bathroom remodeling (buy whirlpool tub) •Side deck/door •Garage wallboard/finish (In process) •Laundry room back door or dog door •Basement remodeling •Basement workout room •Basement bathroom/storm room •Basement work room (buy 2x4s and wallboard and 3 doors) •Basement workbench #2 •Lights in all closets (Done) •Basement Stair Lift
• My learning styles: 43 percent visual 12 kinesthetic 43 auditory howtolearn.com
• On August 1, 1930, there was an article about my grandfather in the Boston Globe that I want to look up sometime
• Personal efficiency program: 1. Do it once, not again and again 2. Clear your mind 3. Solve problems while they're still small 4. Reduce interruptions 5. Clear up backlogs 6. Start operating toward the future instead of in response to the past 7. Stop worrying 8. Get it done and celebrate victories
• Ohio Fossil Park, Sylvania, OH, www.olanderpk.com, admission is free, search for trilobytes, brachiopods, corals

Something New

Hey! I'm posting this from my Palm TX! I'm using HBlogger (trying it out). Maybe I'll post more often!

Ciao.

[Posted with hblogger 2.0 http://www.normsoft.com/hblogger/]

New Handheld: Palm TX

OK I finally took the plunge and purchased a new handheld, a Palm TX. Very, very nice. Got a 1 GB SD card and a Palm Keyboard too. I'm really enjoying the color, speed, and the large & bright screen.

Here's my setup:
MyBible from Laridian with

• KJV
• NKJV
• AMP
• HCSB
• NIV
• NASV
• YLT
• WEB
• Easton's Bible Dictionary
• Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary
• A.T.Robertson's Word Pictures in the New Testament
• BibleReader with Rena Valera Spanish Bible
• DateBk5 from Pimlico Software
• MemoLeaf 4.5p from Redwood Creative Computing
• Documents to Go 8 from DataViz
• SmartList to Go 2.6 from DataViz
• eReader Pro from Palm Digital Media
• BigClock for alarms and countdowns
• CountEm from Laridian
• DailyReader from Laridian
• Filez (manage files)
• GradeKeeper by Daniel Ethier
• Kinoma from Kinoma.com (plays M4A files from iTunes and Quicktime movies)
• PocketTunes (MP3 player)
• Right Back Up from Stand Alone (scheduled backups to SD card)
• WiFile Pro from Hands High Software (connect to file servers wirelessly--haven't purchased yet but will)
• Enterprise Security Upgrade from Palm (connect to wireless network at work)
• AlwaysOn (www.persicke.de)
• BDicty Dictionary/Spell Check
• Missing Sync 5

I am using Blazer from Palm as my Web browser. It's ok but at the moment I don't seem to be able to get it to access the Internet from on campus through our wireless network (proxy problem). Hm, just tried Xiino 3.4.1E from Mobirus, that might work. Tried logging in from home, no luck. We'll see what happens on campus.

I don't think I'll be checking email from my PDA too often, but VersaMail and Eudora both work nicely.

I have purchased licenses for all of these (except for the free ones, of course).

Funverse #11: An Ode to JBH

Once Jon was wand'ring aimless
Upon the paths of life.
He had no friend or comfort,
Until he Pick'd a wife!

With "JBH" he fell in love.
He courted 'hopeful-Lee'
Until he won the dating game--
Now life was filled with glee!

They tied the knot and started
A-walking hand in hand.
With "JBH" he traveled to
Grinnell, the promised land.

And now it's three kids later,
A house, a car, a cat.
She may have borne his children,
But he's the one who's fat.

(Heh heh, you know I'm kidding.
But if he's gaining weight,
We'll blame it all on "JBH"
Whose cooking's just plain great!)

Now "JBH" is spending time
With folks needing her aid,
And he's a world-wide traveler,
Promotes the soybean trade.

It's "JBH"'s birthday
We celebrate. But... but...
You ask what "JBH" means?
"Jon's Better Half" that's what!

Sept. 13, 2006, in honor my sister-in-law on her birthday. Sorry, if you're not in the family you won't get a lot of the inside jokes. :)

Funverse #10: My Brother's Anniversary

A Limerick in his honor:

Here’s to David and Bena from ‘Gander-state
Who tied the knot way back in ninety-eight.
Now they have two big boys,
And to keep them in toys,
All of Dave’s big boy toys they must liquidate.

Another One of Those Days

Here's what I did yesterday:

• Ate breakfast and had devotions
• Balanced my checkbook online
• Digitized tape 16 side A of Harry Potter Order of the Phoenix so I can listen to it on my iPod (I use iMic and WireTap Pro to produce an AIFF, use QuickTime to save as an MOV, import to iTunes and convert to AAC)
• Weeded out my Entourage InBox, making note of some action items that have fallen by the wayside
• Imported two new CDs into iTunes
• Downloaded updated survey software
• Worked on getting my course resource website FTP working from on campus again--tried 4 or 5 configurations, no luck
• Emailed family about getting together next summer at a cabin in N. Wisconsin
• Went to chapel
• Sent a note back to one of the ARRIBA! Mom's
• Typed up my to-do list for Maranatha (assessment, quality, etc. etc.)
• Researched the Spiritual Transformation Inventory from Concentus, sent a memo to Dr. Brock & Dr. Oats
• Reviewed the Quality Checkup Guide
• Sent a quality checkup To Do list
• Moved some digital photos to my iBook for photo slideshow
• Spoke with my directed study student about the Tests & Measurements course requirements
• Sync'd my To Do lists with my PDA
• Adjusted all the Word To Go docs on my PDA so they were filed under proper categories
• Printed a copy of the spreadsheet needed for S.P. updates
• Transferred important email contents into DevonThink Pro database
• Printed my ToDo list and crossed stuff off
• Grouped ToDo's
• Printed the S.P. data tracking chart, marked off what I have to update
• Rebuilt my Entourage database (after all that deleting/cleaning out/filing)
• Printed Install docs for survey & project software
• Checked out used iPods on eBay
• Worked with student worker to get MAPP packed up ready to go
• Cleaned out and combined some old files
• Worked on the Quality Website adding some links
• Talked with Lee about his Moodle website
• Ate an apple
• Sent an electronic file to the President's office
• Ate supper out with my wife
• Came home, watched an old episode of Deep Space Nine
• Chatted with __ from church who wants me to build something for her
• Finished recording all the HP tapes
• Checked in with my server to whitelist ereader.com--for some reason I never get the newsletter anymore
• Read some David Copperfield

The Yank Bay Jig

I thought my nonsense poem was pretty good, but this came appended to some spam the other day. Kind of reminiscent of e.e.cummings. I have reproduced it here in its entirety for your reading pleasure, heh heh. There was no title, so let's call it "The Yank Bay Jig":

one pard, bank buzz snub, justso edgy pet span
vole rid pout aunt toco brow
wade rack kind kale
small put worm
slim roam hop itch rue key
rock moss
tote finesell
when poke
mess pose
goof bomb fall wame rate vile hall boss dub
fell led swim topcask
quid fad stud weft dive jackmain
alt vamp ho
dove icyheld
lens pacedate sea peg
pest balk nest hum lark
jam silo catch fun cost baby mode love volt
em knur bet grind tale
hack kart yelk soil
quid viol gamy club grab
lop oh grit bust dolt tog
AIDS leap fine ooze slat tome rib pip ode
dab ogre clot duel
tiny pass minx peat sole gash
wild nap, wag grow food, in- ably cite hush
rule dock grog find bale ,
ave duet say chap
olio jean lay
curl last date harp jerk barn
lend fuel
gold editkook
zed who
marl quart
dike flog sere mark mode chop fork mine pop
kid inch hip con-girl
flat dock or six band foalfowl
goal item rub
acne quagtak
boot fillidle poll chap
IOU lint tier hock red
zinc nib drew top thy wolf wait mote fee
eat quay rook shop beak
off keep colt page
were odds rush spar whim
cad kill gory sod silk rump
blow lag pope waxy cape colt epic vale boot
raid sate riot blow
damp out mash prod walk line
pole mail, mell yon boss, best any muse rung
mart palm wit flak posh daw
gab sour shot down
will dill web
dew link jest pack serf yock
burr payoff
mazy milkfact
wit us
dewy shew
epos adit nicy Finn fuel row blow il- yawn
rare fib hand cakesoda
bomb hog wish wake chop banglike
bin- boat boot
lumpy findguy
Khan overtamp opus limy
trim caul loon wash sea
muse pat sate gin pea sortof rail monk vox
choosy hue aged cape plea
boss lode myth ur
choosy yawl hale top vim
down weft Yank bay jig well
mime cot use way peep ray loco nosy pet
junk pimp set hack
nab pest cod stud take orca

Books I Have Read [6]

Just to clarify--these are electronic books that I have read on my trusty Handspring Pro. First I download them from gutenberg.org or some other online source (usually free/public domain), then I convert them to a "pdb" file (using "MakeDocDD 1.0.4b1") that can be loaded onto my PDA, then I read them with eReader Pro from Palm Digital Media. Works for me.

[Update--although I now have a Palm TX, I still do exactly the same thing for reading books]

126-The Voyages of Doctor Dolittle-Hugh Lofting
127-The Haunted Bookstore--Christopher Morley
128-Christmas Stories--Charles Dickens
129-Whirligigs--O. Henry
130-The Scarlet Letter--Nathaniel Hawthorne
131-Vanity Fair-William Makepeace Thackery (only part)
132-The Arabian Nights
133-He Knew He Was Right--Anthony Trollope
134-O Pioneers!--Willa Cather
135-The Works of Edgar Allen Poe Vol. 1
136-The Works of EAP Vol. 2 [his best stories are in the early volumes]
137-The Works of EAP Vol. 3 [minor works]
138-The Works of EAP Vol. 4 [minor works]
139-The Works of EAP Vol. 5 [major poetry works]
140-The Cricket on the Hearth--Charles Dickens
141-The Chimes--Charles Dickens [cut out of the same mold as A Christmas Story]
142-David Copperfield--Charles Dickens [a love story]
143-A Tale of Two Cities--Charles Dickens
144-The 11 Secrets of Successful People--David Niven
145-Testaments of the Twelve Patriarchs (and other early church writings, some good, some bad)
146-Bleak House--Charles Dickens

Alaska trip

My wife and I went to Alaska on June 30, 2006. We took a tour sponsored by Premier Tours.
Here's our photo album:

Album

Enjoy!!

Books I Have Read [5]

101-The Remnant-Tim LaHaye
102-Heidi-Spyrie
103-Armageddon-Tim LaHaye
104-The Log-Cabin Lady, Author Unknown [very interesting in an odd way]
105-The Shadow Line--A Confession-Joseph Conrad
106-Swiss Family Robinson-Johann Wyss
107-The Deerslayer-James Fenimore Cooper [loved it]
108-Moby Dick (1/3, didn't finish) [ack how anyone can make it through it I can't understand]
109-The Wind in the Willows-Kenneth Grahame
110-The Land That Time Forgot-Edgar Rice Burroughs
111-The Black Ice-Michael Connelly
112-Shoeless Joe-W.P. Kinsella
113-The Phantom of the Opera-Gaston Leroux [much different than the movie]
114-The Efficiency Expert- Edgar Rice Burrough
115-The Time Machine-H. G. Wells
116-The Sea Fairies-L. Frank Baum
117-Left Behind (All 12 Books again)
118-Sylvie and Bruno-Lewis Carroll
119-The Clue of the Twisted Candle-Edgar Wallace [great mystery]
120-The Song of Hiawatha-Longfellow [sad]
121-A Child's History of England-Charles Dickens [quite interesting]
122-Kenilworth-Sir Walter Scott [great book, would make a great movie]
123-Robin Hood-J. Walker McSpadden
124-Les Miserables-Victor Hugo [absolutely fascinating, loved it]
125-Andersen's Fairy Tales-Hans Christian Anderson

Books I Have Read [4]

76-Peter Pan-Sir John M. Barrie [not like the movie or play at all, much darker]
77-The Little White Bird-Sir John M. Barrie
78-Pinocchio-Carlo Collodi [not like the movie at all]
79-After Dark-Wilkie Collins
80-Daniel Deronda-George Eliot [fascinating character development]
81-All I Really Need to Know I Learned In Kindergarten-
82-Assassin-Tim LaHaye
83-The Indwelling-Tim LaHaye
84-Mysterious Affair at Styles-Agatha Christie
85-God's Country--And the Woman-James Oliver Curwood
86-Homeward Bound or The Chase--A Tale of the Sea-James Fenimore Cooper
87-Up From Slavery-Booker T. Washington [amazing]
88-Bambi-Marjorie Benton Cooke
89-The Velveteen Rabbit-Margery Williams
90-The Invisible Man-H.G.Wells
91-Anthem-Ayn Rand
92-20000 Leagues Under the Sea-Jules Verne [great!]
93-The Mysterious Island-Jules Verne [great!]
94-Around the World in 80 Days-Jules Verne [great!]
95-Another Study of Woman-Honore de Balzac
96-Beauty and the Beast and Tales from Home-Bayard Taylor
97-Cabbages and Kings-O Henry
98-Room With A View-44 percent [not worth the time]
99-The Mark-Tim LaHaye
100-Desecration-Tim LaHaye

Books I Have Read [3]

51 Little Lord Fauntleroy-Herbert [as nice as the movie]
52 Puck of Pooh's Hill-Rudyard Kipling
53 Emma-Jane Austen (1/2 read) [couldn't get through it]
54 Sense & Sensibility-Jane Austen
55 Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy-Doug Adams
56 The Restaurant at the End of the Universe-Doug Adams
57 Huckleberry Finn-Mark Twain
58 The Adventures of Tom Sawyer-Mark Twain
59 Gulliver's Travels-Jonathan Swift
60-The Secret Garden-Herbert
61-Apollyon-Tim LaHaye
62-The Red Badge of Courage-Stephen Crane
63-Pilgrim's Progress-John Bunyan
64-The Jungle-Upton Sinclair [very very scary, a shame that things were like that]
65-The House of Seven Gables-
66-Alice in Wonderland-Lewis Carroll
67-Through the Looking-Glass-Lewis Carroll
68-Little Women-Louisa May Alcott
69-The Hunting of the Snark-Lewis Carroll
70-Robinson Crusoe-Daniel Defoe [interesting, excellent religious themes]
71-Last of the Mohicans-James Fenimore Cooper [great, loved it]
72-Further Adventures of Robinson Crusoe-Daniel Defoe
73-Two Years Before the Mast-Robert Dana [fascinating, fascinating]
74-Tom Swift and His Airship
75-Tom Swift and the Caves of Ice

Books I Have Read [2]

26 Pudd'nhead Wilson-Mark Twain
27 Sketches New and Old-Mark Twain
28 What is Man-Mark Twain
29 Captain Stormfield-Mark Twain
30 The Double-Barreled Detective-Mark Twain
31 The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes-Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
32 Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde-Robert Louis Stevenson
33 Frankenstein-Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley [quite a bit different from movies]
34 The Romantic Adventures of a Milkmaid-Thomas Hardy [more intriguing than the title would suggest]
35 The Woodlanders-Thomas Hardy [fascinating]
36 Return of the Native-Thomas Hardy
37 Far From the Madding Crowd-Thomas Hardy [fascinating]
38 Left Behind-Tim LaHaye [Great!]
39 Tribulation Force-Tim LaHaye
40 The Portrait of Dorian Gray-Oscar Wilde [creepy]
41 Uncle Tom's Cabin-Harriet Beecher Stowe [amazing, jaw-dropping, I understand why it caused a stir]
42 Nicolae-Tim LaHaye
43 Two on a Tower-Thomas Hardy [worth reading]
44 Soul Harvest-Tim LaHaye
45 Captains Courageous-Rudyard Kipling
46 The Great Gatsby-F. Scott Fitzgerald
47 Twilight Manor-Gwen Austin (iuniverse.com online)
48 Jungle Book-Rudyard Kipling
49 The Second Jungle Book-Rudyard Kipling
50 Kim-Rudyard Kipling [this would make a great movie]

Books I Have Read [1]

OK I've been reading. A lot, especially after I finished my PhD, started teaching college, and then got glasses. About 4 years ago I purchased a PDA (Handspring Visor Pro). After figuring my way around it and transferring my life into it (notes, dates, names, etc. etc.), I figured out how to download a simple text file from Project Gutenberg (and other online full text sources), convert it to a "PDB" file, transfer it to my PDA, and read it.

The next few blogs are my list of books I have read, and some commentary where appropriate. I have purchased only a few ebooks, the rest were completely free.

First 25 (my comments are in brackets]

1Treasure Island-Robert Louis Stevenson
2 Dracula-Bram Stoker [excellent, highly recommended, much better than the commonly understood story of Dracula]
3 Democracy in America, Book 1: Chapters 1-3, 15-Alexis De Toqueville
4 Institutes of the Christian Religion-John Calvin (partial)
5 The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin
6 War of the Worlds-H. G. Wells [must read]
7 Antigone-Sophocles
8 Rothschild’s Fiddle-Anton Chekov
9 Wuthering Heights-Emily Brontë
10 Othello-Shakespeare (not finished)
11 The Effective Executive-Peter Drucker
12 Tarzan of the Apes-Edgar Rice Burroughs [surprising]
13 The complete Oz series (14 books)-L. Frank Baum [fun]
14 The Snow Queen-Hans Christian Anderson
15 A Christmas Carol-Charles Dickens
16 100 Simple Secrets of Successful People-David Niven
17 An American Claimant-Mark Twain [a real Twain sleeper hit]
18 A Dog's Tale-Mark Twain
19 A Burlesque Autobiography-Mark Twain
20 Adam's Diary-Mark Twain
21 A Horse's Tale-Mark Twain
22 The Curious Republic of Gondour-Mark Twain
23 Is Shakespeare Dead-Mark Twain [thought-provoking--the idea that Shakespeare was not Shakespeare still lives today]
24 The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg-Mark Twain [clever premise]
25 The Prince and the Pauper-Mark Twain

FunVerse #9

This is (simply) an attempt to create purely rhythmic verse with absolutely no real meaning at all. It's fun to read it out loud, though!

Kuma Tintin Rot

Gaunch a rena in palada
Mora tintinalla flaw;
Pasqua loober is cronada
And facheevly, reevly baw.

Manicolli tintinolli
Pre-spadulla wasparay.
A capello, maranello.
Vola veela hoola bray.

Pilfa no arun jaliffa
Astaringo or merill!
Eber tintin kuma toorah,
Walma balma in parrill.

And panat is caballering
Tintin toorah: ablucot
Vints sparangulablarotty,
Oomah noomah kuma rot!

June 4, 2006

FunVerse #8

Here's the story, told by Jon himself:
Hey dudes and dudettes,

Saturday afternoon I had a good day out hunting turkeys. Walking through the woods, came up toward an open field, and I could see a few heads right at the edge of the field. I sneaked up through the woods, and got within about 30 yards. There were about 4 or 5 turkeys. Picked out one that I thought had a beard, and shot. But there wasn’t any wing flapping or flopping around, like a typical turkey dying. In fact the turkeys just jumped up in the air about six feet, fluttered back to the ground, and went back to eating.

I stood there for ten more minutes trying to see if there was a dead bird on the ground, but I couldn’t see one. So I pulled up and shot again (and missed), but the birds stayed again. So I shot again, and this time I knew by the flapping that I had killed a bird.

When I went over to the field, there were two dead jakes, both around 17 or 18 lbs. They’re young gobblers, kinda like teenagers. I tagged one and took it home, called a friend and asked if I could fill his tag, went back and brought the other one home. (5/15/06)

And here's the poem I wrote to commemorate the occasion:
Title: Two Jakes for the Price of Three
Alternate Title 1: One Jake Shy of a Hat Trick
Alternate Title 2: Good Thing I Had Three Shells With Me
Alternate Title 3: Was It Shot #1, Shot #2 or Shot #3?

Jon took his gun into the woods
To hunt some turkeys wild.
He walked o'er wood, dale, glade, and glen
The wind was calm and mild.

Just then he spied beneath some trees
A gang of gobblers bunching,
Just four or five (or forty-five)
A-pecking and a-munching.

Jon peered through scope, took careful aim
And squeezed a careful shot:
The gobblers rose into the air
And headed eastward, not!

"What's this?" He cried inside his brain,
"Have turkeys gone plumb crazy?
They settled back onto the ground!
Perhaps they're just plain lazy."

He wonders if he hit one, if,
Perhaps, it's wounded sore.
He looks for flopping, flapping, but--
They simply peck some more.

Ten times it sweeps, the second hand.
His bloodshot eyes have bags.
He peers through leaves, he strains some more,
His shoulder droops and sags.

"I must have missed!" says he to self,
"No birds have yet been toasted!
A second shot I'll venture now,
And soon one will be roasted."

As echoes of the second blast
Went ringing round the glade
Those cotton-pickin' turkey birds--
Amazingly, they stayed.

Again he held his breath and watched
To see one bite the dust
But nary feather-flop was seen
"I must get one, I must!"

"I cannot understand what's up,"
Said he to no one close,
"It mystifies me why they stay,
Perhaps they are morose."

His hands were shaking, shoulder sore,
As in his bag of ammo,
He placed his hand. One shell! One chance!
To make his gun say blammo.

"Third time's a charm," he told himself,
And as he drew a bead
On all those feisty turkey-birds,
His finger did the deed:

And blam! The shotgun roared its fire!
And wham! The turkeys fled!
And zoom! Jon rushed to claim his prize!
And hey! Here's one that's dead!

"But wait!" he muttered to thin air,
"Could I have been mistaken?
This pile of beaks, wings, beards, and claws
Means two birds have been taken!"

"My first two shots, I'm pretty sure
Missed every bird completely!
That must mean on my shot the third,
Two jakes were downed quite neatly!"

"Oh no," he gasped, quite pointlessly,
Since no one was around,
"I've run 'a-fowl' of hunting laws,
By hunting laws I'm bound."

"My hunting tag is only good
For one bird on a tag!
I've got it now! I'll check with Fred!
He never fills his bag!"

And so Jon tagged the larger bird
(No need to take a chance).
Soon back he came, Fred's tag in hand
To dance the two-fer dance.

The moral of this hunting tale,
Inside my mind's a-buzzin':
At two jakes for the price of three,
You can't afford a dozen!

FunVerse #7

Been working this one over for quite a while, that's why there are two poems today:

Spring Fling

Spring is springing in my garden, little sprouts are everywhere,
Reaching sunward, sighing, "My it's great to be out in the air."
The spring-rain-softened flower beds enable germination,
While grubs and beetles scramble to avoid extermination.

The tulip’s petals form a bowl to catch the morning dew;
Each daffy holds a teacup made for sipping springtime brew.
As croc'ses stretch their necks to be the first to see the light,
The hyacinth prepares to fill our nostrils with delight.

I grab my shovel, plunge it deep, drink in the earthy scents
Of just-turned earth—I see some worms a-making nutrients!
The Easter lily, Christmas cactus, birthday mums, and daisy
Are dropped into their summer homes to grow and grow like crazy.

The sun is keeping longer hours. Its stimulating beams
Ignite the fuse on waiting roots, 'til, bursting at the seams,
Defying gravity, they blast their blossoms in the air!
Chrysanthemums and comets fill my garden with their glare!

May 8, 2006

FunVerse #6

Wrote this one on a whim, just had fun with the words and ideas:

Hullo, My Name is Steve

Hullo, my name is Steve. I have a problem, I admit.
It's something that I must do; oh, it’s something I can’t quit.
I'm helpless. I am hopeless. This is quite beyond my pow’rs
Of self-control. I’m guilty of—yes, sniffing lilac flowers.

Yes, lilac blossom time, for me, breeds great anticipation,
And just as soon as buds appear, I sniff with great elation
Those purple clusters, sometimes white, or blue, or pink, or yellow.
Indeed. The color matters not—I’m an addicted fellow.

It started way back when I lived at old Moore’s Corner homestead.
The lilac bushes towered far above my little boy-head.
Ah! When they blossomed, yes, indeed, I’d surely find a way
To pull some lilac blossoms down to sniff, somehow, each day.

Now certainly you must agree, it’s such a harmless fault,
Compared to reckless driving, gambling, eating too much salt.
And yet—if forced to choose between my lilacs and my dinner,
The writing on the wall says clearly, “Lilacs are the winner.”

May 8, 2006

Now here's food for thought

Remembrance

To what can our life on earth be likened?

To a flock of geese,

alighting on the snow.

Sometimes leaving a trace of their passage.

Su Shi Poetry

[Su DongPo]

http://www.chinapage.com/poet-e/sushi2e.html

I Didn't Write This...

...but I wish I did.

Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Epson Refillable Cartridge Update

I've refilled all of them now. They work great. Very very very few instances of clogged heads that have to be run through the cleaner, in fact, I think only once. The guy I bought them from said leaving the printer on wasn't such a good idea, but in fact I leave it on all the time without any ill effects (I always forget to turn it off). Print quality with these inks is great.

His eBay moniker is ... hmm I'll have to look it up.

Funverse #5

Don't ask what inspired me to write this...

Mmm-Hmm!

Mmm-hmm! just popped the seal atop a jar of peanut butter,
Oh boy, to peel the seal and smell a smell that’s like no other!
A whiff invades my nostrils, sniff it deep, so tantalizin’...
Just think what joy we’d miss if not for Carver’s pulverizin’!

Mmm-hmm! the tummy monster growls at chocolate chips-in-cookie,
It’s not enough to close your eyes and sniff—you have to looky.
And once you look, you’re done for, for a peek is just a tease!
The monster bares its cookie teeth and roars, "I’d like one, PLEASE!"

Mmm-hmm! just mall-walked by the place where cin’mon rolls are made.
They have to know you cannot stay the course with them displayed
In yummy piles of sweet soft dough with icing dripping slow--
My iron will has turned to mush! "I’ll take two, thanks, to go."

Mmm-hmm! just poofed a bag of chips just inches from my smeller--
I can’t describe the thrill it gives—it makes me want to beller!
To tell the truth, I nearly lost the chance to do the honor:
My sister nearly grabbed it first—I put a headlock on ‘er.

Funverse #4

Since my 49th is coming up shortly, I was thinking about:

Gettin’ Old

Hullo! What's this I feel? I'm gettin' old I do declare--
My aches and pains, they trouble me, they drive me to despair!
Hold on! Don't fail me, knees, I beg; please, eyes, keep looking good.
I'm buying Tylenol in bulk, my doctor said I should.

Whuzzup? I see some signs I fear my age is escalating.
The hair I had up top is clearly disinskullferating.
What's this? I see hair here and there, where 'twas ne'er hair before--
I tweeze and pinch, and ouch and wince, alas! there's more and more.

Say what? I've lost capacity to call to mind that word--
It sits there, stuck to tip o' tongue, it just will not be heard!
I substitute "oh, what's it's name" in place of "diagnosis,"
And "whozywhatsis" pops right out instead of "halitosis."

No way, I say! Impossible that I could put on years
The way my car has rolled up miles, or Packers fans down beers.
Perhaps the birthday Grinch snuck in to steal years with a chortle...
Each grain of sand that falls, each day, reminds me that I'm mortal.

Steve Stratford
3/26/06

Funverse #3

And then we were headed for a snowstorm here in Wisconsin, and I had a bit of fun with the thought:

Well We Got Some Snow But Not Eight Inches

Heidy ho my good neighbor, let’s get ready for snow;
The weatherman says that we’re in for a blow.
I can see what will happen, I can see in mind’s eye
That the ground will be white and the snowflakes will fly.

Throw the snow, my good fellow, with five-point-five horses
A-pulling your snowblower sleigh, yes of courses.
It gobbles snow, chews it up, churns it, shoots high
While old winter man shakes more snow from the sky.

Frosty-o, man o’ snow, oddly shaped balls of white,
Piled one top of other make an odd bulbous sight.
The bulges and bumps give the guy personality,
Eyes of coal, twiggy arms, merest hint of reality.

It’s a lark, say the kids, we can stay home from school,
No more teachers, no books, “Yay, hooray, that’s so cool.”
Our Mom says, “Oh no,” and Dad says, “I am outta here.”
But Mom says, ”Oh no, not so fast, stay and help me dear.”

The snow’s come and gone, look what’s left on the street--
A residue of snow bits—ah, that’s salt at my feet…
Sun warms up, snow must melt, H2O transformation:
Just can’t wait 'til next snow, frabjous day jubilation!

Steve Stratford
3/17/2006

Funverse #2

Well we got to talking about a recorded story called "Gregory the Grub", and started having some fun with names of animals. I got to playing with words and this is what I came up with:

The Woo Hoo Zoo

Let's bundle up and be off to the Woo Hoo Zoo today,
Yippee yi-o ki-a, galloping all the way!
First, we stop at the big little Mammalian House,
See Larry the Lion and Moustafa the Mouse.

Slipping and sliding to the Big Cat a-Room-a,
We'll meet Pete the Panther and Thuma the Puma!
In the African Safari, there's a real woo hoo view:
Zig the Zebra, Hap the Hippo, and Lulu the New Gnu.

Visiting the Petting Zoo is definitely a do-now:
Pig the Hog, Dick the Dog, and "How Now" the Brown Cow.
Last, a picnic on the Zoo Lawn should do the trick,
Why it's Gregory Grub, Auntie Ant, and Nick Walking Stick!

Look out! There's Elle the Giraffaphant, Marta Aardilla,
BetterButter the Flutterby, even Dino Dinozilla!
Yeah! the Woo Hoo Zoo is a great place to be,
When you round the next corner, who knows who you'll see?

Steve Stratford
3/13/2006

Funverse #1

My brother was born on the 26th of February, another brother on the 27th, and my Mom on the 28th. We have a fun birthday weekend at the end of February each year.

In their honor I composed this bit of funverse:

Three Ducks in a Row

Yes yes oh yes it’s the Strat birthday trio
Ron, Jon & Mom heidy ho solamio
Three big b-days one right after the ortha’
#2 brother, #3 brother, and of course our dear Mortha.

Hardy har hoo, musical bruth’ #2
Pluck strings, song sings, croon-doodle-doo,
Down there in Nashville, Grand Ol’ Opry place,
In Dixie land, hi-diddle-diddle-fiddle space.

Hoolie hoo hee to the big bruth’ #3,
Jonah by nickname, soybean man, six foot three,
Corvetter extrordinaire, ex-Maytag man
Fighting hunger, whirled-wide, yep that’s the plan.

Howdy how how to the mother of Us
Wife of Joseph, the guy who was driver of bus
Landlord (landlady) of old Penquite property
Independently wealthy, hipperty hopperty.

So lift up eyeglasses to three birthdays great
Luckily they weren’t born 3-2-1 days too late
Cause then we’d only have this much biz-o’-monkey
Only in long Feb years--now that’s hunky junky!

(OK OK I know that just because they might have been born a couple of days later, that doesn't mean they'd have been born in a leap year, in fact none were born in leap years. But it's fun to think about.)

Steve Stratford
3/27/2006

I'm still alive

I'm still here, just really busy. I'll get back to posting on my blog sometime soon.