Musing About Trials (Facing death)

Wednesday, October 7, 2009 at 12:58pm
When you have an incurable disease like mine (I will have to live with this for the rest of my life), you think about death. I have quite frankly enjoyed living nearly my entire life (for 49 years at least) (saved at age of 5) knowing my eternal destiny was secure, so what happens when/if I die from this is not and has not been on my mind. What is on my mind, Now that I have been married for nearly 30 years, the thought of death is much more difficult to face, leaving my sweet wife behind to go it alone is an extremely painful thought (brings tears to my eyes even as I type this), though we have seen to it that she's secure finance-wise. I admit. I hate the thought of leaving the house with the cute screen room we bought together and made so many happy memories in and are so close to having completely paid off, and leaving the apple trees I finally, just this year, learned how to make produce excellent apples, and leaving our flowers, and leaving my little 13 year-old puppy, and leaving the trike my sweetheart bought me (I know some of those are just "things," and I'm a bit ashamed to admit my strong emotional attachment to "things of this world." Hope I never in eternity (even in my glorified body) forget the life I had down here with Cindy I hope "tears being wiped away" doesn't mean our memories are erased:

(I confess I switched the "you" and "I" around in this poem to make it fit better) "Should I go first and you remain
To walk the road alone,
You'll live in memory's garden, dear,
With happy days we've known.
In spring you'll wait for roses red,
When fades the lilac blue,
In early fall, when brown leaves call
You'll catch a glimpse of me.

Should I go first and you remain
For battles to be fought,
Each thing I've touched along the way
Will be a hallowed spot.
You'll hear my voice, you'll see my smile,
Though blindly you may grope,
The memory of my helping hand
Will buoy you on with hope.

Should I go first and you remain
To finish with the scroll,
No length'ning shadows shall creep in
To make this life seem droll.
We've known so much of happiness,
We've had our cup of joy,
And memory is one gift of God
That death cannot destroy.

Should I go first and you remain,
One thing I promise to do:
I'll Walk slowly down that long, lone path,
For soon you'll follow me.
I'll want you to know each step I take,
That you may walk the same,
For someday down that lonely road
I'll hear you call my name.

Yet, "to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord," and we both know this. She may yet precede me in death, of course, through an accident or sudden illness, that's one of life's unknowns. Feel free to comment.

Cindy wrote: This certainly will be the hardest thing to face, being separated from the one I love, but for now all I can focus on is living and soaking up every minute we have together and making memories that I'll treasure for a lifetime. You are the best treasure that God gave me here on earth!