Monday, October 5, 2009 at 8:11am
OK first of all, I am not, I don't believe, being "persecuted"by anyone. I don't even think the biblical phrase "fiery trial." applies (in the biblical sense) It could be a temptation (see below, certainly: "And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. (Luke 11:4) This thing that grew in my head is an evil result of the Fall, and asking to be delivered from having to endure such an evil thing is appropriate, especially as it is connected with being led into temptation, and believe me, there are plenty of temptations associated with severe illnesses, from lashing out at your caregivers, to wallowing in self-pity, which, fundamentally, is simply a form of rebellion, to having the urge to call damnation down on things that frustrate or hurt you, like getting poked for an IV transfusion every other week,to questioning God and getting bitter against Him, to being stubborn and uncooperative, to having to (reluctantly) come face to face with the very real possibility of dying, and getting properly prepared for that.
Tribulation:no.
Testing: Probably this is the best label for what is happening to me. I teach Tests and Measurements over at the College (at least I did for 13 or so years but not now). A test is a task given to see if a person is able to successfully achieve some important outcome. I think my test is passed by exhibiting trust in God (Ps 56:3) "What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." for strength and grace (IICor. 12:9)"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness", and by not falling into the temptations I listed above. Feel free to comment.
Chastening: Well, it certainly could be, He knows I have done enough to earn a good chastening (Job 5:17): "Behold, happy is the man whom God correcteth: therefore despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty" (Heb. 12:11): "Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby." If it is chastening, I count myself privileged to be "exercised" by it.